Save me (In my worst dreams I still hear your scream)
by emmanuelles
Summary: "There is only Piper, who needs her. And nothing else matters for Alex Vause. She catches her breath and rips the door open." Alex finds Piper with Pennsatucky in the snow and Piper begs her to do the hardest thing she's ever done. Alex learns the hard way that sometimes you have to really hurt someone to protect them. Alex/Piper, canon until the very end of 1x13.


**Prologue**

She is late to the Christmas pageant.

Honestly, she just really needed a shower after everything that happened today. Fooling around with Nicky temporarily took her mind off of things, but then Piper marched up to her with those impossible-to-deny-puppy-eyes and then came harsh reality crashing down on Alex. She couldn't fucking believe Piper had the nerve to come crawling back into her arms, mere hours after she picked _him_. And broke _her_ heart, again.

She was pretty clear about the new rules and Piper _so_ deserved the treatment she got, but Alex couldn't shake off the pang of guilt that creeped itself inside her heart. She was proud to lead a life of 'no regrets', and she was pretty consistent in saying a big 'fuck no' to this feeling, but when it came to Piper, she did question herself once in a while. She hated feeling guilty…of letting Nicky get into her pants for distraction and as a pathetic attempt to take revenge on Piper, and even more so, of denying Piper the comfort and help Alex's most basic instincts told her to give the woman who was (is) the love of her life.

She couldn't bear this feeling and she wanted to wash it away. So yeah, she just really needed a fucking shower.

/

Luckily, she manages to sneak inside the crowded chapel without the COs noticing (all the while Poussey acting like LFC's very own Beyoncé on the stage) and takes the seat that Nicky saved her in the back row.

"Thanks," she whispers with a sigh, and they both know she doesn't just mean the words for this one. She is saying thank you to Nicky for being here for her, and acting like a friend. A friend who happens to be a lesbian junkie with incredibly talented fingers. But mainly just, yeah, a friend that Alex needs right now.

"No problem," Nicky shrugs, downplaying it as usual. "Had a nice shower?" she asks, and takes a once-over when Alex only responds with a silent nod. "You still look like shit though."

Alex rolls her eyes, but a her mouth turns into a crooked smile. "Appreciate the honesty, Nichols."

"Always at your service, Vause," Nicky replies with a smirk, her eyes narrowing. Her left hand settles on Alex's thigh, and she squeezes teasingly. "In more than one way, if y'know what I mean."

Alex shoots her an amused look, before her eyes settle on the stage.

She feels like herself a bit more again.

/

It is quite entertaining and sometimes truly fucking hilarious even, and she laughs and claps with her fellow inmates. The laughter comes easier every time, until she doesn't have to force it at all. It feels nice to be here now, with all these people. Even though they are crazy, stupid fucking bitches, Alex really appreciates their company now. Nobody deserves to be alone at Christmas. And even though this prison chapel is certainly not the top choice on her list of places to be tonight, it's better than being alone.

She probably would be alone, if it wasn't for prison, which is pretty fucking depressing to think about. She lost her dad (God, she's never truly had a dad anyway), she lost her mom and she lost…

She shakes her head, because she really shouldn't think about _her_ just now when she _almost_ feels okay.

She keeps her mind from wandering to that dark place on pure determination and focuses on enjoying the performance. It becomes impossible when she feels eyes burning a pair of holes into her left cheek, and her face is literally heating up under the stare of…she turns her head to the right, and it's just in time to catch a vague glance of the familiar shape and blonde hair in the dark, before the swing-door closes again.

Piper leaves and her curiosity pulls Alex out of her chair like a force of nature. But it's not her fucking place to stick her nose into Piper's business now and honestly, she better start practicing not to care anyway. It will be easier to say no when Piper comes to her again (and she _knows_ it will happen).

Fuck, now she is back there on the starting-line of the endless marathon race called 'forgetting Piper Chapman'.

Suddenly, the play is not nearly enough distraction and she doesn't think twice before turning to Nicky. _Fuck Piper. Fuck love. _

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?"

Nicky motions towards the stage without looking at her, and says "Yo, the best part is just comin' up and I promised Morello-"

"Now or never, Nichols," Alex cuts her off, and her tone pulls Nicky's gaze away from the performance, piquing her interest. This is a serious game now. There's a moment of hesitation on her face, but Alex knows she got her when Nicky asks "Is that supposed to be a dare?"

Alex nods, and briefly catches a glance around to see if anyone's looking before pulling Nicky's hand into her lap. "I dare you to make me cum in thirty seconds."

"Well, I'm always up for a challenge that includes eating a pussy," Nicky whispers, palming Alex over her pants briefly. It makes Alex's breath hitch. "Just hope yours is tastier than saltine crackers."

"Fuck you!"

"Oh, you will," Nicky shoots her a playful wink before patting her knee. "Come on now, let's get outta here 'till the fuckin' COs are entertained!"

/

They exit the chapel together and a relieved sigh escapes from Alex.

The hallways are empty, not a single soul wandering around. The sounds of their breaths echo from the cold walls, and their steps - however careful - still make such a loud noise on the floor. They can't run, and it takes forever to shuffle down the dark hallway towards the library. She is desperate to get there and let Nicky fuck her into oblivion. She needs it, and she needs it _now_. Because one more fucking minute spent with moping over Piper Chapman will ruin her.

She needs to fuck the feelings away.

She speeds up, shooting a daring look at Nicky and as their steps become hurried, she barely notices the sounds coming from outside. First she doesn't know if her mind is playing a trick on her, but even though she is blind-ish, she is pretty sure her hearing is just fine, thank you. She falters near the door leading outside, her eyes narrowing as she tries to listen so hard she forgets breathing completely. Nicky stops a few steps ahead and turns around with wide eyes. Alex glances at her, and presses a finger to her mouth, freezing on her spot as the noises get louder, more intense. Her heart is ramming in her ribcage and she feels cold sweat on her palms, her brain screaming at her body to get going, to move her legs and fucking go. But she is frozen from the fear, petrified by the sheer panic that is crawling up on her spine and holding her back from taking three steps and tearing that door open.

She knows she should act, and that she _shouldn__'__t_. She should either fuck her rules and go out there (that would mean admitting she still cares despite everything), or pretend that she didn't hear anything at all, but standing here, like a _fucking idiot_, that's not her.

Her eyes are glued to the door, and she doesn't blink and it hurts her eyes. Her brain desperately tries to make a goddamn decision, then she hears a scream, a painful, horrified scream, _her scream _and everything else loses its importance. It's as if the world around her ceases to exist and all she can see is blur, faded colors and dim lights in the background.

There're no questions anymore, no doubts, no rules to debate whether to follow or not, no thinking, no nothing.

There is only Piper, who _needs_ her.

And nothing else matters for Alex Vause.

She catches her breath and rips the door open.

/

**Notes:**

It's my first ever attempt at writing outside of the Glee universe, so please bear with me. I don't know anything basically. I'm very late to the party, but I've just binge-watched "Orange is the New Black" in four days and I felt immediately inspired by the perfect stupid fckery that is Alex Vause and Piper Chapman. Just had to get this out there. It will be angsty and dramatic and painful, but in a good way. Hope someone will like it.


End file.
